Doko Home- where your tastebuds go to die

Location: Waratah Place, Melbourne CBD(off little Bourke street, sorry i didn't get the building number, but believe me, you don't want to go there after this review)
Phone: I didn't get it, but apparently the phone is disconnected?
Time: Dinner Time
Cuisine Type: Chinese Hot Pot
Price: Little pots of soup starts at $5 each, dishes of stuff start from $3 onwards
What got dished out:

This place, served hot pot. Well what looked like hot pot.
We had 4 of these pots going. One with satay soup, one with tomato and ox tongue(?) soup, and one herbal chinese soup.. okay I lie, there was 2 of those going.

We ordered 2 dishes of the beef.
one dish of those stringy japanese white looking mushrooms. I don't know what the correct name is, I guess if I went to my friend's blog now, i could get, but I can't be bothered.

We didn't order anything more than that. Considering there were 5 people in total, and no we weren't on a diet. *sigh*

My thoughts:
Where do I start? Clearly you guys have noticed my hiatus from the food blogging game for some time because i got slack and not like anyone noticed my disappearance in the first place! See you need to leave comments.. *aherm* but Doko Home really NEEDED a review because it was just so... EPICICALLY bad that it would make great blog fodder and a great read.
but back to the review...

I don't get who Doko or what Doko is, but apparently according to a friend that was there, Doko is from some anime/drama show. I've never come across it but my guess is that it must be bad.
Because this place delivered nothing but bad stuff, okay it went from bad to worse.

Doko Home used to be the home of Crystal Jade, until they upped and moved to the corner of Little Bourke and Russell and got extremely fancy and popular. Actually they were popular before they got big and fancy because the food was really good and quirky. It's such a shame the popular and good food wasn't passed onto Doko Home.

Unfortunately I was fashionably late, the first thing I was confronted with was a restaurant filled with.... no, not people, just empty-ness.
There was us, (a table of 5) and in the corner on the other side, a table of annoying Fobs. What irked me was that we were situated. I don't know why in an empty restaurant, we were seated right next to the door. The doorway is always the coldest spot in the restaurant and generally the last place you sit, unless of course you rocked up to a FULL restaurant and that's the only place left for you to sit down unless you want to wait forever and a day. Being that I was late, I couldn't really ask or whinge about it.

My friends had already ordered these pots with soup and 2 dishes to cook our food in. I don't know why they ever bothered considering that the plan was to leave anyway and eat elsewhere. But suffice to say, we went through the exercise of dipping food into soup pots and ate it unwillingly.

How were the soups you ask? It was bland, more than bland, it was reallllly watered down. Everything was so tasteless, that we had to add stuff to it. Okay, the only one that I preferred out of the four was the satay soup which really was just peanut sauce. The other 3 just didn't do it for me.
But the satay soup wasn't even spicy so we added some spice to it. (oh Man where do i start with this place).

We asked for chilli sauce or even fresh chilli's. They give us Chilli oil, the stuff you put in your Pho. I couldn't be bothered complaining, so we put it in our soup anyway which made it a little bit spicier and somewhat sweeter thanks to the chilli oil. It didn't make it any better but it added something to the soups so that we could TASTE something.

Forget about the chilli sauce, the thing that irked me the most, that made me want to run away as far as possible was the fact that the cutlery that gave us was all greasy. Ok, when I say cutlery I mean chopsticks. When I asked for new ones, the waitress' response was "I'm sorry, these are the only ones we have, these are our new set" I wanted to die right there.. okay exaggeration, i didn't want to die at this restaurant, i couldn't think of anything worse. But I was dumbstruck, I had no comeback to this.
Seriously a place that isn't even busy (mind you this was a Saturday night when trade should be mega busy), the one thing they should have gotten right was cleanliness. which bugged me because if they couldn't even wash a bunch of chopsticks and keep it from getting so ridiculously greased up, what chance did we have with the quality of the meats and how fresh these things were.
At that moment, I just prayed that i didn't die of food poisoning.

We ended leaving, having split $10 per person. In truth that was the most wasteful $10 ever spent in my whole entire existence.
I know my tastebuds won't be forgiving me for a long time. My friend made an offhand comment that at least the waitress looked pretty and when I made the comment that they weren't, his response was "gzzz, you have high standards". In truth, they weren't ugly, they weren't pretty. They were exactly like the food that was dished out, BLAND (and fobby). and besides, you don't go out to eat to stare at the waiters/ress. if you are then that's just fucked up. I mean this isn't hooters. gzzbus!

I mean if this place was riding on the fact that they've got some nice looking girls working for them, they definately failed at that. If they were riding on the fact that the food was good, there are a dozen other places that are better, namely Little lamb on Russell street and I already think that Little Lamb is crap, actually after eating at Doko, it's just made Little Lamb a whole lot more appertizing. I remember my first experience at Little Lamb and the entire week afterwards I was complaining at exactly how bad the soup was, the raw food that we had to cook was all frozen and bad and they charged us extra for different dipping sauce etc. Now, after this experience, I may have to appreciate Little lamb and this is why i hate Doko Home. Truly Little Lamb is absolutely shithouse but Doko House made it better and that's just wrong.
I'm not a big fan of Hot pots, unless it's made in the home. Perhaps being food poisoned a few times has something to do with it.

It's no surprise that Doko Home was empty even on a Saturday night, where every other restaurant in the area is pretty much a FULL HOUSE. Perhaps not having an operating phone like has something to do with it, many people like to reserve tables, if the phone line is disconnected, we'd assume as diners the place has gone down the gurgler.

Doko Home could try to defend itself and say "we're in an alleyway", it's hard for us to be busy. But like I mentioned earlier, it used to be the home to Crystal Jade and they were booming business. Location isn't the problem, the food was the problem... they were the problem..
arghz.. it was an hour of my time gone down the drain.

Would I recommend this to anyone? Unless you want to break up with someone or as a cruel joke. then No, stay clear away from this place. This place redefined the meaning of shithouse. And that says a lot.


P.S I'll try to blog more often... =]

Orient Express -Choo Choo

Location:Level 1, Food Court (Opposite McDonalds) Crown Melbourne, 8 Whiteman Street, Southbank Vic 3006. ( I know what a freakin mouthful, except no ones talking.. but what a long stupid address)
Phone: 03 9645 9959
Time: around dinner time
Cuisine Type: Japanese/Chinese/ it's meant to be a sushi train type thing (i think they got confused)
Price: you pay for what you eat, and dependent on what colour dish it is, will depend on how much it costs , it can get really pricey (we ate like over $100 worth of food)

What got dished out:
Okay, you guys are going to have to bear with me, literally I took a photo of everything I ate, and there's quite a number of dishes to remember, and i didnt have a pen and paper to remember everything PLUS I ate here some several weeks ago and only decided to upload it now.
I don't even know the names of the food because they just came out from the sushi train thing and we just grabbed whatever came out. Not like I know the official names of food and use it in my food blog anyway. I know I really suck at doing this, but meh.. I'm hoping that you guys aren't using me as a guide to when you go out, because I only have photos, don't remember prices OR names.. sorry!


For the life of me, I can't exactly remember what was inside of these balls. I think they were octopus balls. you them takoyaki rubbish (as you can see i'm not a fan). All I remember was that the skin wasn't as crunchy as it should be. I suspected that it had done the rounds on the train and we just happened to pick it up.




This has to be the worst rice paper roll ever known to man. It clearly had done its round as the paper was dry and the carrots were dry and we were unlucky to pick it up.
Other than the carrot pieces to which you can clearly see it had crab sticks.. oh wait, i think it was prawns. it's not a matter of me forgetting what it was i was eating, no, at the time I didn't even know what the hell it was I was eating as the taste was so blah blah. I've had better, I was disappointed, but what was i expecting? it's a sushi train and there's vietnamese food on it.


By this stage I was ready to give up, 2 bleh bleh dishes, I wasn't all that impressed. Sure it's a tad better than OTHER sushi places but seriously, I wasn't in the mood for rubbish food. And then we picked up the oyster dish. and for some reason it was pretty darn good. It had been cooked in something like an XO sauce and we wanted more. MORE i tell you... but as with most things on sushi trains, you got to wait for more to come.


This wasn't bad either had it been FRESH. However the size of it made it a tad sickening. It's a good thing that I had ONE other person to share my dishes with, because this was way too much for one person to handle.
The mayo dipping sauce made it a tad better. But with anything deep fried, it can't be all THAT great for the heart.




One of the things I always find with Sushi trains is that the fish is never all that fresh and it's nothing that GREAT, and Orient Express is no different. The fish wasn't exactly on the fresh of the freshest side. It was OKAY, it could have been better. Okay I lie, the rice was crap. I mean how could they get it so wrong? I tell you how, the rice simply didn't stick, it wasn't nice. I didn't love it, but it wasn't so bad that I hated it.


I think in future if I ever happen to go to another sushi train or a place that I'm going to order a dozen or so dishes, I'm going to have to write stuff down. I don't remember for the life of me what was exactly in this. My memory of this was it had some curry thing happening for it.
The fact that I don't remember it means it wasn't absolutely fantastic or so bad that it stuck in my memory like an eyesore. I know this food review is sucking even more by the minute.



I was actually impressed, this for whatever reason did come out pretty fresh, obviously it hadn't been sitting around on the train for very long. I was impressed because once upon a time I had something similar and when i took a bite, get this... it was filled with bones and to my disgust i spat the whole thing out. This was nicely cut, it was fresh and had no bones. After that one terrible experience that's what I always look out for: bones. I hate it when there are bones in my fish, nothing peeves me off even more then finding them. and I was glad i got nothing.

This was also another surprise. I've had raw beef before, but a lot of places don't make it all that nicely. yet this was pretty damn good.
I savoured every moment of it, enjoying each piece.
I also had the blondest moment ever when I went to grab this dish, i turned around and said to my friend "can you eat raw meat?" ahahah seriously, if she couldn't we had a huge problems on our hands. I know, silly me.



This has to be the yummiest salad I've had in a while. Granted it had noodles/pasta (whatever it wants to be), mayo and quail eggs, it was an awesome combination. It was good, thinking about it now makes me drool. Someone needs to make this into one big regular dish, and someone needs to sell it to me. Because I'd gladly buy it and eat it and savour every moment of it. Yeh that's right, I'm crazy over some weird pasta salad with quail eggs. Get over it!

This was also another nice surprise. The prawn was freshly cooked, the rice was well cooked, and it just tasted pretty darn good. I've had this at OTHER sushi trains, and to be honest, most places are an absolute disappointment.
This in fact was not.






And it seemed like we were on a roll, dish after dish was getting better and better. and then we had to pick this.
This tuna thing that doesn't have a name.
It was unbelieveably crap, however I'm sure my friend loved it. I don't know what it was about this dish, but i just couldn't warm up to it. And honestly I just wouldn't go near it again. It was just OMG crap, exactly like the first 2 dishes in the beginning. I sat there thinking "OMG, why?!?!?!?"
If you ever had dumplings and you thought the place was crap? Have no fear, this place serves even crappier dumplings than your average crap dumpling place. Think of the worst place you've ever been to, and this place makes it better, i mean worst than what you think could be your worst.
Sure the skin was crispy, sure it was oily but heck the stuffing inside was just WTF. It did not taste good, i just wanted to cry with each bite.

And here I thought to myself, it couldn't possibly get any worse, I mean what could be more terrible than the dumplings I just had. Oh, we soon found out at the next dish I picked up. These weren't all that appetising either. It was just OMG wtf. I don't know what i was expecting, perhaps some little prawns like you get with har gow, or something meaty like a siu mai. Sure it was meaty and had chives on it. but god help me, i couldn't identify if i was eating chicken, beef, pork, could be a koala for all I know. but one things certain, it was an assault on my tastebuds.. and i'm sure they still haven't forgiven me yet.


We assumed this was going to taste like the first oysters we grabbed prior. Oh how wrong we were. This was nothing like the first one. In fact it was way too peppery and frankly if we had had this first, simply put, I would have stayed away from the oysters altogether.
We were surely on a roll, of getting crappy food and it seemed like it was never ending.


However I was glad that we picked up this dish, tempura prawns. It wasn' that bad, perhaps after a stint of crappy food, anything that was average would become absolutely good.
I mean this isn't the same kinda stuff you get at Hako or Tempura Hajime but it was decently okay. Okay, i was just happy to get back to normal tasting food




My thoughts:
If you've never done a sushi train before, let me tell you, it's a FUN experience but it's also a very expensive experience.
There isn't a lot of sushi trains in Melbourne, there's about a handful and most of them are pretty crappy. The standard of food is at times questionable. I know my japanese food, I eat the damn thing all the time. I might not know the names of the stuff shoved down my throat but I know a good dish when I see it.

Orient Express was by far a hit and miss. Some dishes were devine, others brought tears to my eyes due to the sheer awfulness. But Orient Express unlike other Sushi train happen to be the biggest of it's kind, it serves hot and cold food. and it doesn't just stick to Japanese.

One thing I did find was that it PAYS to sit as close as possible to where the food gets distributed onto the train. because the further you sit the likelihood you'll get the leftovers of the stuff nobody wants, plus the food is fresher and much nicer either really cold or really HOT. But it also begs the question.. if the sushi train is the biggest of its kind, surely there are patrons who would lose out as if you're sitting far away from where the food gets put on the train then by the time u get it it's not hot nor cold, as it should be,.

I was also kicking myself when I realised that I could have ordered tea because it was bottomless, and being the true asian i am. I would have gotten my money's worth. I know.. i can't help it, i'm really asian. I think I embarassed my friend. but she'll get over it.

The million dollar question everybody is asking... after that experience, would you go back? Hmmm it's a very interesting question. Realistically, for Japanese food wise, NO.. but for the experience.. definately.
The food quality is pretty inconsistent, hits and misses everywhere, but it's fun watching the food go round and round and round.

Another note... I'm going to try to be as up to date as possible with my food posts because clearly I really suck on TRYING to remember things.. and it makes my blog boring. LOL

Salsa's Mexican Grill

Location: Level 1, Food Court at Doncaster Westfield Shopping Centre
Phone: 03 9840 7765
Time:Close to Dinner Time
Cuisine Type: Mexican Food
Price: anywhere between $8-15

What got dished out:

My friend and I tried the Nachos (mind you this was our second time we had this).
The great thing about this, even though I'm never a fan of Food Court food, was that the Nacho's were FRESH and crispy and well awesomely good.
Every bite I took I could hear the "Crunch Crunch Crunch" going. I've been to a lot of places and whenever we get nachos, those bastards always serve us soggy nachos. Sure they get soggy with tomatoes and cream and other stuff, but i'm talking about even the bits that aren't covered in that stuff.

It's such a shame that good crunchy nachos exist only in a food court. and I wish more places made good nachos but they don't. Most people don't think twice about it.
The only issue I had with it, (and my friend had to point this out because i was too busy eating) was that the cheese was a tad on the cheap side.

It was pretty heavy and hardcore, and seriously once someone points it out, it becomes an issue. And it was almost eating fake cheese, fake chewy cheese actually. And thus my friend ended my love affair with the nachos from this place.
I guess if they used better cheese it wouldn't be so bad, everything else about it is FRESH and good. Just not the cheese. If I were a cow, I'd be disappointed with the cheese that got churned out (get it? never mind)

I also ordered... and NO.. not a lump of aluminum foil. That my friends happens to be a chicken burrito wrapped in foil. Don't worry, when it came out, I laughed at it.

I find burritos weird. It's kinda like in the same wrap you use for a souvalaki with small meat pieces which then reminds me of a kebab. But the difference with this is that it has rice in it.

Being Asian doesn't help because whenever you eat rice, you expect it to be cooked a certain way. Mexican rice well, just doesn't cut it for the Asian Palate and I always think "omg why is this rice so dry? this is how I cook rice, unintentionally of course and then get told off by my parents for failing at being Asian. yeh i know, what Asian person can't even cook rice, especially considering we use a rice cooker. Don't start, I already know, i get told all the time.



Excuse the eaten bits, but I thought it was best that I prove to you guys that there was indeed food inside and not just aluminum foil.
To be completely honest, this wasn't THAT great, but I've got nothing to benchmark it against. The last time I tried a burrito was from the night market at Victoria market and it was so awful I had to throw it out.
I didn't throw this out, but I didn't finish it either. all i can say is that it was ALL that appetising. It was lacking in sauce if anything.. and clearly I was playing the game of "spot the chicken" because there were hardly any chicken pieces. Had I been a vegetarian who was given this instead of the vegetarian burrito, I wouldn't have minded so much. You get the picture, lack of chicken pieces.. makes me angry.


My thoughts:
Like I've mentioned once before, I'm not that big of a fan of Food Court Food only because they only have fast food or terrible food dished out in bambourines, stuff that's been sitting there for forever and a day, which is meant to be either Chinese, Indian, japanese or whatever it is.
But when you do come across something good, you get blown away. I'm not saying this is absolutely awesome, I'm just saying, with what's out there in the average food court stuff, Salsa's is actually not bad.

But then again, Doncaster westfield is quite unique, they have a LOT of better food served in their food court, i wish shopping centres would follow suit. but they don't. and until they do.. i'm still going to feel pretty apprehensive about eating there.

The thing that made me laugh about Salsa's, was the fact that their staff had to wear ridiculous head gear. Sure I get the whole sombrero thing happening because it is after all a Mexican themed place, but the staff looked absolutelty SILLY.But amusing nonetheless for me.

and here's a question for you, how many staff does it take to make food at Salsa's? A Lot. They had like 5 kitchen staff and 2 people serving at the counters. I'm not sure why there were so many but heck, it didn't mean you got your food any faster. You had to wait awhile for your food. Granted that it's freshly made but for a food court, it's never a good thing when people are piling around your counter waiting for their food. I mean I'd wait for the first time, but next time I'd try OTHER food that are already there, quicker made.
Salsa need to look at McDonalds. Because their burgers are fresh (okay that's disputeable but you get the point), you get it before you can blink an eyelid (okay that's exaggerated) but you get the gist, it's efficient. But Salsa is not.

I get ansty when i have to wait for food especially when I'm hungry, i get snappy, especially when i'm in a food court and I know i don't have to wait for my order because food is just there.

Dessert House

Location:Mid-City Arcade 18/200 Bourke St, Melbourne
Phone:(03) 9663 1400
Time: Late Lunch
Cuisine Type: Chinese, Cafe food
Price: ranges from $8 to $15 (me thinks)


What got dished out:
I always play it safe when it comes to cafe type food. I don't like to order something outrageous because daring also means wasting my money on a dish I probably can't eat.
And don't let the name fool you, it's not a place that just serves desserts, they sell normal food too.

So when I come to places like this, I order something simple like egg noodle with seafood.
In the poor photo shown it looks more like green stuff with seafood. But I assure you the egg noodle is there.
I can't say it was the best dish I ever had in my entire life. It wasn't the worst dish either. It was passable. Like with anything, as you guys know, if you haven't cottoned on by now. I'm not a big fan of vegetables. And damnit, they bombarded my dish with wayyyyy to much green stuff. I can only call it green stuff because I don't even know what the weed is. I'm sure a reader could kindly leave a message to tell me what exactly that is.
If I was a rabbit, I'm sure I'd be able to know the name, but I'm not. And so, I spent some considerable amount of time pushing the green stuff away from my dish. Actually it wasn't pushing, it was piling them up on top of each other, creating a mountain of green stuff fort. Yeh that's right, I play with my food. Got a problem?

The only thing I love about going to Honky/Chinese cafe places is the ability to order my favourite drink which happens to be Lychee on ice with Sago. And for some dumb reason a lot of people don't know what Sago is. It's pearl balls. but damnit, SAGO is what it's supposed to be called because my Cantonese speaking friend told me so.
You can only get these types of drinks at cantonese run places, those mandarin run places, they got NOTHING.
Granted I could easily go to an Asian Grocery and buy Lychee in a can, add some ice and buy some SAGO for the same price. It's not the point.
It's kinda like telling me, instead of buying a 300ML can of coke, I could go to the supermarket and buy a 2L bottle for the same price.
Seriously, it's about the whole DINING out experience, I like being ripped off, do you have a problem with that also?

My thoughts:
If you go to places like this and expect service, you got to be kidding yourselves. These places are about piling in as many patrons as possible, then somehow managing to serve out the dishes quickly. This place isn't about service, it's about dishing out the same average quality of food FAST.
They want you to eat quickly, pay and leave quickly because they need your seat for someone else who's lining up outside.
I don't know what the attraction is with Dessert House but for some reason people come and don't mind lining up. And the most f*cked up thing is that there are a dozen OTHER places you could go to without having to line up. But no, people feel like they MUST line up and try to get a seat at this place.

The food isn't amazing, maybe it's me. I always go for the same safe dishes everywhere I go, maybe Dessert House has a signature dish that I just never have found in the last 10 years that I've gone. And I'm missing out, perhaps thats the reason why people like to line up to eat this signature dish. Okay who am I kidding? But if this is the case, can someone let me know?
I mean Dessert House is so popular they have a second one on Swanston Street across from QV. I don't get it.

and here's another thing I just don't get, it's called Dessert House and not once have i ever eaten dessert there. I'm not even sure their dessert is even nice, perhaps that's their secret? But then, every time I've been there even for dinner, I have yet to see ANYONE order anything from the dessert section.

This is perhaps the one eatery that will always puzzle me, to why it's so popular. always.

Saffron Thai - Hawthorn East

Location: 223 Riversdale Rd, Hawthorn
Phone: 03 9818 1932
Time: always Lunch time
Cuisine Type: Thai Food
Price: Lunch specials are always around $10 (a little more if you have seafood)

What got dished out:
One of my favourite dishes has to be the curry GREEN chicken, it's not the most creamiest of dishes because I've been to places where it's so sickly creamy that it makes me want to puke. It's not also too coconutty either. It's like instead of one can of coconut can they put in two. But the one thing about this dish is that it's a tad spicy. Actually it's a little bit more spicy than what I can normally handle. But when the dish is this good, I just buy two cans of coke instead of two.
They're also generous with the amounts of chicken, I've been places where you're playing a game of "spot the chicken?" type of thing and then find delight when I see one.

The rice is coconut rice, well I think it's coconut rice. As you can tell, I don't really pay attention to such small details, lets just be honest here, this has to be the nicest curry chicken I've had in awhile, so I don't really care what the rice is. I just know it's not badly cooked.

But surely this dish can't be that awesome, there must be SOME complaint about it. There is. I'm no fan of carrots, zucchini and definately not a fan of bamboo shoots. I get why they put it in. But like I always say, you don't make friends with salad. generally I take a bite of one or two of the carrot and zucchini but I spend the rest of my time picking out the "green bits".
They also put in my honest opinion too much bamboo shoots. I commented to my friend "do i look like a Panda to you? why the hell is there so much of this rubbish" her response was obviously "u idiot".

Normally I get this in a take away box, and normally i never actually finish the dish. But the great thing is it still taste as good as it does the second day. provided i don't nuke the food in the microwave. =]

I've tried OTHER dishes like the chicken and cashew nuts, and the Pad Thai (chicken and the prawn version) but to be honest both have been hit and misses. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's great and sometimes I'd be like "WTF, i can't eat this rubbish" But the curry is abosolutely awesomeness.

My thoughts:
This place definately has something good going on, there's actually OTHER Saffron Thai's lurking about Melbourne. I haven't actually tried the other chains myself but I do like going here.
You can either opt to eat in or do the whole take away thing. I generally takeaway because there's nothing more sad than sitting alone and eating. unless of course you can look busy working on a laptop. Seriously I might as well tag myself on the forehead with "I'm a loser because I have no one to eat with". HAHAH I know i have issues.

One thing I might add is that they are quick. You place your order and before you know it the food's ready. Sometimes even I'm amazed. But that's it about service. Their customer service is kinda lacking.
I've been to OTHER Thai restaurants and it seems like it's the same deal. They're not exactly friendly. They bark at you. It's strange because I hear lots of people who go to Thailand and they tell me that it's the most hospitable country ever, I have Thai friends who are absolutely lovely, but for whatever reason it doesn't show when it comes to the hospitality industry. They all look ANGRY .

My first visit to the place almost put me off. Seriously, the girl at the counter looked like she was going eat me up more or less had i not ordered the food. It looked like it would almost kill her to smile. Friendly is definately NOT their forte.
and had it not been for their awesome food, i probably would have never gone back because i hate being treated with such disrespect especially if the food is merely average or borderline average.

In saying that, being a regular, the girls have managed to warm up to me. I once commented on how pretty their earrings were, and since then they all smile at me when i come in and have a friendly banter. If only they were this friendly from the get go. So now I enjoy going there a lot more.
I used to order and run as quickly as possible, okay it wasn't because of them. I just wanted to eat my curry.

I would recommend it to anyone, just ignore the coldness, they'll warm up to you, just tell them they're pretty or something. lol

Kinya Japanese Restaurant Review

Location:64A River Esplanade, Yarra's Edge VIC 3008 (Basically the other side of Docklands, it's off Lorimer Street, where the Citilink building is, right off the hectic freeway)
Phone:(03) 9646 2400
Time: 8.30pm (hungry hungry dinner)
Cuisine Type: Japanese
Price: A bit too pricey, I can get cheaper and better japanese sushi/sashimi and tempura elsewhere



What got dished out:
I took a friend of mine to this restaurant and we ordered 3 dishes that filled us up. Normally what I find with Japanese cuisine is that it's really difficult to get "full" on the food as the servings are relatively small. (which means you have to order lots of things.) The first thing that we ordered was Kani Cream Croquette ($12.50) which basically was mixed crab meat and potato croquette with some mayonanaise and japanese bbq sauce.
I had no idea what I was ordering, I mean i don't even know what Croquette are. But I ordered it anyway, I like taking chances (NOT), actually i was hoping for the best.

I was pleasantly surprised when it came out because the outside was battered quite nicely and the inside was nice and soft. It almost melted in my mouth, and every single bite was just pure awesomeness. Shame, however that there were only 3 and I had to share. The funny thing is, I couldn't taste any of the crab-ness. It was more of a potato taste then anything else.
I did however found the bbq sauce a tad too much, it was more salty than anything else.

Obviously it wouldn't be right going to a Japanese restaurant and not order any sushi or sashimi so we also got a plate of Sushi Sashimi Moriawase ($35)
Our initial reaction was " OMG that's so huge" but upon further inspection, there was more "props" then the real deal and really there wasn't that much sushi at all.
Don't get me wrong, I like prettiness served on a plate but when it means I have less food, I'm not entirely enthused.
To be honest with you the sushi stuff wasn't all THAT great, nothing to shout on the rooftops about. I can't say that it was of freshest of qualities or that it was riveting stuff. It was passable. Actually, my biggest complaint was that the rice didn't stick together very well or to the fish.
Okay I lie, that's not my only complaint, the wasabi was a bit on the weak side, as in I had to a LOT into my dish before i could feel the "kapow" in my mouth.

Obviously, this didn't feel us up (at all) and we had to order a 3rd dish which was the Tempura Moriawase ($15.50) which was an assortment of tempura stuff. We had the option of an entree size or a main size. We decided on getting the entree size which turned out to be the better option as by the time we took our last bite, we completely and utterly filled ourselves up.
It wasn't the best tempura dish I've ever eaten, in fact it was quite ordinary. The batter was nice but everything was undercooked. The zucchini and carrot (i think it was carrot) was a tad too hard. The prawn was nice and frankly if I wasn't so hungry, I wouldn't have bothered with the whole tempura thing. It was definitely not worth the $15.50.


My thoughts:
I was hugely disappointed with everything that came out minus the Kani Cream Croquette. I was quite embarassed because I had dragged a friend out to this restaurant, reminiscing about the good ol times that I had here (some 3 years ago). It was also due to this restaurant that I opened myself up to fish, my last memory of it was pretty awesome (some of my friends had taken me here trying to convince me that eating raw fish was the way to go, I was really hesitant at the time but thoroughly enjoyed it and haven't stopped since).

So nothing was worse when the food came out and I was like "wtf is all this? this is so ORDINARY?!?!!?" Perhaps its due to the fact that since Kinya, I've been to a bunch of dozen Japanese eateries (better ones I must admit), that I've come to have such high expectations of the food that Kinya no longer meets the requirements to my tastebuds? I'm not sure.

I have to add my friend did enjoy the food, much more than I did. One thing to Kinya's credit is that their staff are actually OKAY looking! Sure the food's average but the male staff make up for their shortfall. I know I'm terrible... but what else can I say?

We did have a funny moment, when we had ordered the Kani Creme Croquette, a dish came out and I was like "Omg that was so quick!" and then looked at it and thought "OMG is this it? it looks so damn small?!?!? I feel jibbed" Having no idea what the Croquette was, I almost freaked out. Turns out it was appetizers (which was on the house), and it was just normal potatoes (cold might I add) with some japanese bbq sauce. Don't worry it wasn't that great either. At least Kinya's consistent, consistent at making average tasting food.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't go back to Kinya again. It's not worth the trouble, it's in a really odd spot, it's off Lorimer street, where the apartment blocks are (you can see them off the King Street exit from the freeway). The only good thing about Kinya is it's location. At night time, it's got this romantic view of the Dockland pier... and there's less people. So if you want to take your other half and spend some quality time and don't mind average Japanese food, then Kinya is the place to go. (btw, sorry for the low quality photos, I took these on my blackberry )

Personally I wouldn't go back, for that type of money spent, I know half a dozen better places to go to.

La Porchetta Review

Location:273 Spring St, Reservoir, 3073, (there are numerous La Porchetta locations, as this is chain of successful Italian food)
Phone:(03) 9460 5525
Time: Dinner Time (around 7pmish)
Price: Reasonable (ranging from $7 for pasta and $17 for steak)
Cuisine Type: Italian

What got dished out:
I ordered a medium Porterhouse Steak with chips and mushroom sauce. I received a Well done steak. Like I've mentioned before in my previous post about how the standard of steak generally determines the quality of food.
I already know that the quality of food at La Porchetta isn't the best, it's the fast food of Italian food, kinda like McDonald's type thing.

I was actually kinda disappointed when the steak came out because generally La Porchetta don't exactly nuke my meat.
I couldn't be bothered sending it back because I was extremely hungry, and when one is extremely hungry, any food is good.

In haste, I forgot to request to have the mushroom sauce to be put in a container as a dipping sauce. When it came out, I wanted to kick myself. I HATE having any sauce on my steak. My reason? What happens if the sauce isn't nice? then I'm stuck eating it with my steak. Granted the mushroom sauce is pretty nice at La Porchetta, but it's not actually consistent.
I don't know if all the franchises have a set recipe, but clearly they don't. Sometimes it's runny, sometimes it's too buttery, and sometimes it taste nothing like the "standard" sauce.
The mushroom sauce I had that day was a tad on the runny side(too much water I think?).

The chips weren't that bad, but of course nothing beats McDonald's fries, but these suffice, at least the chips weren't so brown due to the lack of oil change.

The meal was edible and I completed the whole entire thing without having to think twice. I can't say it's the best steak I've had, but it wasn't the worst. In truth, it was the poorest La Porchetta steak I've had in a while. But who can complain? the steak is only $17 bucks, a lot cheaper than most places (by almost $10), so I don't have high expectations of it.

I did try a little bit of my friend's ravioli bolognaise. I think this has to be such a weird combination. Of course I always associate bolognaise with spaghetti and then whenever other pasta types are used, I just get weirded out. La Porchetta doesn't make a flashy sauce, nothing punchy about it. I mean I've been to a place where the sauce was really sour-ish due to the fresh tomatos. In truth La Porchetta is a safe house. I mean the sauce taste no different to ones that you get from a Dolmio's bottle. I didn't mind the combination. The pasta wasn't hard rock, I've tried in some places where the ravioli tasted like OMG WTF that with each bite I wanted to cry. There were no tears here.

My thoughts:
I've been going to La Porchetta for years, even in my uni days, because it's quick, easy and cheap, especially for some Italian food. It's not fine dining but it's a lot better than the stuff that you buy from the bamborines from shopping centres. I can live with cheap and okay food. I can't deal with expensive food for mediocre servings and mediocre tastings which La Porchetta is not.
It's probably one of the more famous chains in Melbourne for Italian food, the other being Sofia's but they do extremely large servings that could feed a family of four on one pasta dish. I find places like that food wastage.
I guess I like coming here because it is safe and easy. Stuff I should learn to make myself but can't be bothered because someone else makes it quicker (not better).
It's probably the reason why even years on, the La Porchetta chain is still very successful, there are a LOT of these chains lurking around Melbourne, it's some pretty crazy stuff and most people have the same mentality as myself (ahh the lazyness)...

And in truth, when it comes to Italian food, I use La Porchetta as the benchmark (you have to start somewhere), I generally crack it if the steak/pasta/chicken/pizza comes to me worst off than La Porchetta's and cost more. Generally you get a face palm type thing going from myself. and I'm mad as hell. =]

I know everybody has a benchmark for food, I mean you have to, how else do you know if something is good or bad? Unfortunately for me, when it comes to Vietnamese food, the standard is high because the benchmark happens to be my mother's cooking. When it comes to Italian, it's surely La Porchetta. Don't ask me why, it's just how it is.